Monday, August 27, 2007

Religion as Rebellion: God is the new Hot Topic



What is the difference between these two pictures? One is a place where deluded, empty, gullible sociopaths go to get answers, and one is a church.

On Christiane Amanpour's God's Warriors, one thing struck me as more terrifying than a twelve tongued famine planet with an insatiable appetite for sentient life. A majority of the absolute batshit fucking loco extremists that are making this world a little bit dimmer are not crazy old coots held up in some shed splintered by time and an dearth of carpentry skills. No.

They are the youth.

Although 'statistics' is another word for 'lies', there are some very unnerving surveys out there that say some very unnerving things. Things like: Of American Muslims over the age of 50, 9% believe that a suicide bombing could ever be justified. Of American Muslims younger than 30, 28% believe that a suicide bombing could ever be justified. Are you unnerved yet? I am. I think I may have to be re-nerved if I am ever to fear again.

Jews have a more well rounded fundamentalist group (why are the Jews always the well rounded ones?) with crazies of all ages believing that if they build shitty houses in Palestine, the Messiah will come down and take them away to a nice evening at the fair. But they don't have an active youth recruiting program.

Unlike Christianity.

Of course, in America, we are still immersed in dodgy old codgers pouring hate into TVs and praying money comes out. But there is some serious stuff going down with the kids.

The 'so ironic a name it's not even a funny' Liberty University is pumping out kids with Law degrees in lies. How is that different from a normal law degree, you ask? Well, these kids are hand picked by the conservative right to push a theocratic agenda. Normal lawyers are just douchebags in it for the money. Still not sure which is worse though. They also form things like Liberty Council, which is basically the ACLU except instead of protecting your right to look at porn and pictures of little boys, they protect your right to obey strict bullshit interpretations of the bible regardless of your own religious orientation. They also seem to really, really hate cunnilingus and sodomy.

But the really scary shit springs from organizations like Battle Cry. Oh fucking wow. I really can't use words to describe it. Just YouTube it or something, and come back here once you've changed your underwear.

Now what is the common theme between American, emphasis on American, Muslims believing that blowing yourself up is A-ok and thousands, millions or Christians head banging to a rock anthem of theocratic supremacy? Not surprisingly, it is the same thing that sells Marilyn Manson albums and keeps assholes like this in business.

Rebellion is the answer. In the interviews on CNN, and in the basic ideals of Battle Cry and Fundamentalist Islam, the concept of pushing back, of defining yourself, is almost unanimous. And it is always against the perceived 'threat' of mainstream society, and capitalism. Although their personal beliefs are different, they are 'fighting' a common enemy. All that Hot Topic nonsense is a rebellion against cheerleaders, Abercrombie & Fitch, Pop music, and guys that beat the shit out of them in gym class. The antagonists are always: sexualization, alienation, and commercialization. Muslim girls put on uncomfortable and oppressive clothes and embrace an almost catatonic lifestyle in resistance to the open display of hot tits so prevalent in mass media. Christian girls wear longer skirts to avoid 'distracting' men, and push for almost insane measures against not only abortion, which has a legitimate moral ground when the pile of goo becomes a living breathing fetus by the second or third term, but contraception. They also apparently like it in the ass. Muslims believe that they are under attack by a predominantly christian America, and embrace fundamentalist beliefs to defy them. Christian America believes that they are becoming an endangered species, and embrace their inner zealot to defy the encroaching horde of facts bearing down upon them. Both groups have an intense hatred of materialism and commercialism, and believe the world would be better off without our love of really kitschy shit, as well as our cars, running water, Xboxes, and Internets.
And just like Hot Topic, they are all massive fucking hypocrites that ascribe to a philosophy marketed and sold to them by greedy self serving sons a' bitches. As opposed to actually fighting the ills of society, they buy the pre-packaged bullshit that just serve to bolster a rather bloated ego's personal economy. This random quote on wikipedia says it all too well.
"They enter oblivious, hands outstretched, fat cheeks and watery eyes staring skyward to the Lord.
They are to leave warriors. Convinced by arguments crafted from statistics and fear, these children of God are told they are to be the salvation of a generation in decline, one beset by the perils of pop culture, advertising and corporate greed.
They absorb those lessons, squealing in delight whenever a speaker mentions the righteousness of Jesus.
Then they head to McDonald's."

Jesus doesn't eat Big Macs. Mohammed never strapped a bomb on his chest to prove a point.
Real rebels never shop at a store to buy an identity. They make their own.

Next Time On: This is what super adventure club members actually believe.

Jesus is coming back to beat the shit out of liberals: How Politics Exploits Porphecy for Personal Gain.

10 comments:

))<>(( penis goes there said...

go have sex

Tau Hecht said...

You are truly the master of the emoticon. What other hideous renditions of the human body can you concoct?

SciencePunk said...

What would be great is if Hot Topic and religion somehow combined so that I could buy redemption to three different gods for $20.

I'd even have a receipt in case non of the turned out to be real!

Ronda said...

Well written article.

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