Wednesday, September 12, 2007

America! Fuck Yeah!

Yesterday was September 11th, the anniversary of the worst terrorist attack in American history. I always remember the day the same way, quietly rocking back in forth in the fetal position with an AR-15 clutched to my chest. Then the Feelings come, and they always come in two waves. First, the wave of euphoria and appreciation for my country. Then, the tides of hate and malice drown me in disgust, the bubbling froth of anguish filling my lungs. Every breath is a mouthful of anathema, of utter condemnation of all things human.

But today is the appreciation day! My hate will come tomorrow.
Here is the stuff that keeps my crank turning:

Free Speech (Fuck Yeah)!

Gun Rights (Fuck Yeah)!

Xbox (Fuck Yeah)!

Nice Tits (Fuck Yeah)!

Mario (Fuck Yeah)!

Plaid Jackets (Fuck Yeah)!

Kilts (Fuck Yeah)!

Cthulhu (Fuck Yeah)!

Bioshock (Fuck Yeah)!

Bajingos (Fuck Yeah)!

Subversive Books (Fuck Yeah)!

the Internet (Fuck Yeah)!

Blue Skies (Fuck Yeah)!

Nice Beaches (Fuck Yeah)!

Carnitas (Fuck Yeah)!

Shoegaze (Fuck Yeah)!

Punk Rock (Fuck Yeah)!

the Singularity (Fuck Yeah)!

Aerogel (Fuck Yeah)!

Nanotech (Fuck Yeah)!

1337 h4x (Fuck Yeah)!

Zach Braff (Fuck Yeah)?

Ed Norton (FUCK YEAH)!

a Datsun 280zx (FUUUCK YEEAAAH)!

Ron Paul (Fuck Yeah)!

Barack Obama (Fuck Yeah)!

Ethinic Diversity (Fuck Yeah)!

Burritos (Fuck Yeah)!

Comic Books (Fuck Yeah)!

Fender Mustangs (Fuck Yeah)!

Single Coils (Fuck Yeah)!

Humbuckers (Fuck Yeah)!

Smart Girls (Fuck Yeah)!

Ethnically Diverse Tits (FUCK YEAH)!

Jon Stewart (Fuck Yeah)!

Stephen Colbert (Fuck Yeah)!

Genetic Engineering (Fuck Yeah)!

Super Colliders (Fuck Yeah)!

Swords (Fuck Yeah)!

.357 Magnum (Fuck Yeah)!

Anarchy (Fuck Yeah)!

Dischordianism (Fuck Yeah)!

Ralph Nader (Fuck Maybe)!

and the hope that they will one day make a sequel to Grandia that is better than the original.

May deities bless you America. Now I'm gonna go ride around town in my Datsun 280zx firing my 9mm wildly into the air while eating mexican food off my Dungeons and Dragons character sheets.

1 comment:

Sammy Morse said...

Wasn't punk rock an English invention?