Just a little something before I disappear back into the void...

I just wanted everyone to know that Rob Crow, the lead singer, guitarist, fat guy, and principle creator of Pinback, a real kickass Math-lite melodic indie band from San Di-fucking-ego, is also the lead vocalist and guitarist of a band called Goblin Cock. For realsies.

I love you wikipedia.

Also, new Pinback album came out a month ago, but they have a (shitty) video up for one of their singles. Pretty damn good if you're into that kind of thing, though not their best song. Still a rather kickass album.


Also: If anyone on the planet is still ignorant of it, the new Radiohead album In Rainbows is available off the internet. For free. Just type in 0.00 when it asks you what you want to pay. Someone I know typed in "free", and the website gave him the finger. That's what you get for being a douchebag. Of course, being the audiophile I am, I pre-ordered the uber deluxe disc set with the album on a vinyl and an enhanced CD with eight (count 'em, eight) new songs you can't get off the download. Amazing.

Listening to both these bands in tandem is making me cream buckets of liquid gooey joy. Oh music, how I love thee.

"Everyday Shooter" Not Your Everyday Game

I'll let the footage speak for itself. As a Depeche Mode song once said, words can only do harm.







www.everydayshooter.com

Mad hot awesome sauce.

You want some 'effin math rock!?

Since my ass won't be by a computer Friday to uphold my newly minted blagging schedule, I'm giving this to you early, as a taste of things to come.

One thing I will focus on from now on is sharing awesome music you probably don't know about. And I'm not talking Sufjan Stevens or Ben Folds indie. I'm talking 'these guys played in my basement' indie. And so, it is my honor to present the first of many music features. And who gets the coveted first spot?

I give you...

Japandi!

Besides being a perfect example of my favorite flavor of math rock, these guys went to my high school, and are the delightful little darlings of my local San Diego music scene. Bringing some sweet succulent art rock that is easy on the ears (and the eyes, ladies) Japandi certainly deserves some sexy attention from anybody into music that kicks ass.

What makes them great is the same thing that will keep them from getting any kind of radio airplay. Shifting and off kilter time signatures, epic non-stop instrumental eccentricities, and melodies that morph from butterflies to beasts will scare off any TGIF customers enjoying their Jalapeno poppers. But you know what? Fuck those guys. Japandi is the kind of music you have to pay attention to, and if you do, you will appreciate an aural innovation you won't get anywhere else.

Most official of websites: http://www.japandi.com/

A Danger to Your Fragile Psyche, plus Awesome Music

Aparrently, my little bitch box can warp the minds of children and is the vice tearing this country apart. I am proud.

I hope that was a big enough attention grabber to get you to read the rest of this post, because I have stumbled upon something awesome.

http://www.cicadacom.com/ is the personal website of a musical genius, Judson Cowan. And I don't use that word lightly. He's done 16-bit concept albums for video games that don't exist, he's done a capella remixes of The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, Ace of Bass, Coolio, Cake, A-Ha, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song, and others. He's got remixes out the a-hole. He has also been prolific in his own original stuff, which bring to mind what Ben Gibbard's side project The Postal Service would sound like if Ben Gibbard had talent, and liked him some Depeche Mode.

It just really kicks ass, and in a testament to just how awesome he is, all of it is available completely free to anyone with a media player.

I love you Judson Cowan. I love you to death.

Prom Night Bites (Primadonnas Prevail)

Though I was forged in the dark recesses of the abyss long before time knew which way to flow, I have only come to take on physical form for 18 of your human years. As a sane entity of the cosmos, I was reticent to take part in the barbaric rituals native to American culture. One of these rituals, a mating dance, known in your language as "prom", is particularly vulgar, so much so that I was content in filling my Saturday night with hour long endeavors of commanding and conquering n00bs on the Xbox as opposed to prom's archaic entertainment. However, beseeched by a potent young female, I ventured deep into a lair that is nothing but a shrine to the profane and adolescent.

Despite its faults, I assumed that I could at least savor some primal pleasure from a night of juvenile delinquency and debauchery. How wrong I was.

Prom is a really boring orgy pulsing with people too pussy to just fuck in public.

The dance floor was unreasonably packed. So congested was the throbbing mass that a dude felt me up telling me how soft my hair was tiffany.

And I am so sick of grinding. My generation really needs to get a new dance move besides pretending to fuck a woman in the ass.

Here are some variations of grinding:
"The Pony"- Bend the girl over and grab her hair, as if the reins on a horse. Flail the free hand wildly above your head, shouting Yee-hah! Pound your dick against her ass.

"Sneaking a Snatch"- Grab the girl's hips and gyrate to together. When she looks back at you, glide the hand opposite the side she is looking and grab her snatch. Fiercely. This is important. She will be so surprised by the move that she will be too embarrassed to fight it off. Pound your dick against her ass.

"Moment of Clarity"- Stand befuddled in a crowd of humping teenagers and come to the terrible conclusion that this is exactly what Babylon looked like before God smote it off the face of the earth. Shed a tear. Pound your dick against her ass.

The least the DJ could do is play some music that doesn't make me wish for a hearing impairment. Now I'm not asking for Bach, or some Moonlight Sonata here. I get that there is a place for some Interpol and some Fucking Champs, and that it is not the place where people go to dance. However, I can't dance to music that sounds like it was written by an autistic child with a Casio that just learned what a double entendre was.

Some of the lyrics do seem reasonable as a double entendre. For example, the repeated refrain of "hot pocket rocket" obviously alludes to the male phallus, as opposed to a Jim Gaffigan comedy routine. He likes his Hot Pockets.

Laffy Taffy, although a tasty, sugary stretch, can indeed be perceived as a metaphor for the female buttocks.

However, what the fuck does "chicken noodle soup, with the soup on the side" mean? How is that sexual in any fucking context? Maybe if they said something like, "you got your big chicken in my soup," or, "I love it when you soup all over me." I can understand that. But they want the soup on the side…on the side…

One or two fun songs were played, but they were not enough to distract my imagination away from turning that writhing mass of polyester into a flaming hellscape with the strike of a match.

If I had not had the good company of my friends, I would have unleashed a dark carnivale on that dance floor. My ass would be all over the news, my mural of flesh, bones, and bloodshed given a gallery on every TV screen. Fortunately, my sanity is much more resilient than my impulse, and we are all spared the teenage holocaust.

Besides, who would be so pathetic as to tear up a prom? It's far too boring to dignify with a slaughter fest of that magnitude.

Now a spelling bee…that would be something of killing spree…hope they don't irritate me…or they might have to pay a mortal fee.

The fee of a Wii.

Damn I want one. I hear they provide an accurate simulation of bowling for those of us without the athleticism necessary to take part in such an intense sport.